


Is There Somewhere

by sowish



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, i dont condone cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6772000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off Halsey's Is There Somewhere.</p><p>Lauren's become so attached to Camila she's forgotten who she is but as long as Camila was with her, she couldn't care less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is There Somewhere

We were dancing in the dim lighting of our hotel room.

 

Everything about Camila was fluorescent.

 

Her white tube socks contrasted the room and her bright eyes glimmered with spontaneous carelessness. Her smile shone as she twirled and ran her fingers through her hair and that was all I could remember behind the rush of cars outside the window.

 

The dreamy fog of marijuana made my surroundings and actions foggy and questionable but I could never forget how much I wanted to feel her pink lips attach to my skin and paint her bright colors on it with her tongue and let her words wash over me like cascades of water.

 

Whenever I was with her, memories came back in flashes. She was dancing and swaying her hips and the next, she was in between my legs sucking at the skin on the insides of my thighs, her teeth nipping and her tongue soothing. I remember flashes of white sheets clenched in between Camila’s hands, her crooked teeth and how they reflected her relaxed grin as she watched me fall apart underneath her.

 

_“This is where we begin, baby girl. I promise that I’m gonna cherish you, Lo.”_

_I knew that despite the conviction in Camila’s voice and the sincerity in her eyes, she would not let us begin, would not cherish me and let me feel her skin underneath me when we weren’t in the confines of our hotel room. I knew she would leave me and my defenses rose up to try not to let her complete me, to fill the colorless void in my chest._

_But some part of me still decided to believe her. I let her sneak past my defenses and slowly she started to fill in the empty gaps in my chest._

_When morning came and the sun filtered in through the window and her blurry figure was pulling on her shirt and buttoning up her jeans, I tried not to show the fact I wanted her to stay- to lie with me in bed and let me wrap my arms around her and pretend that we were in love, that she could find it in herself to love me._

_In the bleary haze of the morning, I was more inclined to be vulnerable._

_I was willing to show Camila that I needed her to stay standing tall, like stairway railings, and that she had claimed my whole being and was able to ail its worries with her soothing words and reassurance._

_I tried not to show how my voice shook when she started to turn the doorknob and, not even once, look back at me._

_“Is there somewhere we can meet?”_

_Camila pauses, turns to meet my desperate gaze, and barely nods._

When she came back to me late that night, cupped my cheeks and kissed my skin with yearning, I knew this was when I could let myself believe that we were in love. She continued to trail kisses down the column of my neck, sucked at the skin near my collarbone and let her hands wander over my ribs, mapping its contours and dips. She spoke to me with love and charmed me with her romantic poetry as her hands tugged at the waistband of my jeans.

 

_“Lauren, baby, you make me forget about the world. When I’m with you, you make me believe that when I’m inside this room, the world isn’t against us. You make me believe that it’s only us.”_

_She pauses and looks up to me with her bright round russet eyes._

_“When I’m with you, you make me forget that she gets mad at me when I come home at four in the morning with my messy hair and disheveled clothes. You make me forget about the anxiety inside me when I’m home and the fear I get when her red cheeks are tinted through anger. You make her sharp words disappear. You are so stunning. You make the most beautiful people pale in comparison to you.”_

_I never meant to fall in love with Camila more than I already was. But she was touching me and looking at me as if I were a masterpiece. In that moment she cherished me and let me believe that she loved me. But if only I could realize she looked at me like I was an object with only physical beauty instead of a person with depth in words and personality. I could’ve saved myself from the stabbing heartache and learned to love my own personal value instead of needing her words to validate my existence._

_Except, like always, Camila’s words blocked the common sense in my mind and let me free fall into her arms and give my all to her and let me believe that we could pretend that we were actually in love._

_Even though I was buried in her enchanting words, in the corner of my mind, I knew that we weren’t. I knew that she’d rather be in someone else’s arms, would rather kiss someone else’s lips and let someone else touch her. But in that moment, she was mine. She was mine and she decided to give me a chance to love her and that was all I needed to forget about my defenses and the pain that sawed back and forth like a dull knife whenever she left._

_Camila’s words worked like a charm, and that’s what they were, unsubstantial and only to lure me back into her arms. I knew they were only words with weightless meaning because she left me the next day. Just like all the other mornings, she tugged on her shirt, buttoned her jeans and never looked back to me. When the door quietly closed, Camila’s scent still wafted around the room, the sheets still smelt of her hair, from the chair hung her forgotten jacket, and whenever I closed my eyes all I could do was think of her and how she looked at me like she loved me. When I caught her gaze and my head was on her naked chest last night, I could not her heart race even though mine was thumping so hard against its cages that I thought it would break through and call for Camila’s name. When she looked at me at that moment, I was only just a speck in the world, an insignificant being with no substance. And all I could do was cry and let my tears spot the pillow._

_I wish I could say I was crying because I had let myself become a void and was reaping the loss of my own substance, but I knew I was crying because the color that Camila brought with her plagued my insides had gone away when she did and left me a colorless, soulless host for love to invade._

_When she left me, all I could think about was that she was coming home to someone else and letting someone else touch her body and kiss her skin and tell her they love her and have her say it back and mean it._

_I knew she didn’t love me, not even the slightest._

_I knew being second just wasn’t the same._

_But it’s a lesson I’ll never learn._

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my older ones but i hope yall liked it!!


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